Lucia Miranda

( Lucia Miranda )

Another New Years Eve with no one to kiss. I think this makes it the....well I've never had anyone to kiss on New Years. I must sound so incredibly lame. I don't even know why I write anything here. Oh well, I guess I don't really need a date for New Years when I have my son. We're going to watch How to Train Your Dragon and tomorrow I'm taking him to see The Muppets since it's his last day or vacation.

My baby is six. How did six years go by already? It feels like only yesterday I found out I was pregnant. The last six years haven't exactly been the easiest, but I love my son and wouldn't change a thing, except things with Beto. I hate uprooting him though and I constantly miss my family in LA. When I went home for Thanksgiving my mom asked why we don't just stay in LA. I know she misses seeing Santos all the time and hates that she couldn't see him on his birthday, but how can I prevent Beto from seeing his son? Not that he's seen him at except for his birthday since Cullen left, because instead of being an adult, he's acting like it's the end of the world and getting drunk. In the last six years I haven't gone off and gotten drunk because the person I like is out of my reach. I really hope he gets over him soon. I hate having to tell Santos that he can't see his father.

And have I mentioned that I hate temping? It's got to be the worst thing in the world, but there's no other job I can really get. I mean, I'm only here for a few months while Beto is filming so I can't get an actual job only to quit in a few months. I also hate complaining, but it seems that it's all I've been doing lately.

I'm so thankful to Beto for sending me and Santos to LA for Thanksgiving to see my family and were it not for the new temp job I got a call for that starts tomorrow, we'd still be there, but I can't pass on a job, so here we are, back in Portage. I feel so bad though, because Santos didn't want to leave my parents and cried halfway to the airport, which almost made me cry.

His birthday is soon. He'll be six. I can't even believe that. I don't know what we're doing yet, but I'm sure we'll figure something out in the next few weeks.

My mother keeps asking me if I'm coming home for Thanksgiving and bringing Santos, but it being two days before Thanksgiving, I highly doubt that's going to happen unless I win the lottery. I told her that we more than likely won't be home till Christmas when the show wraps for hiatus unless Beto decides he wants to stay here with his boyfriend, because we haven't been home since July and it may sound stupid, but I miss my mother.

I don't even know what I'm doing for Thanksgiving. I know Beto wants to spend time with Santos, but at the same time, I do as well and I don't feel like cooking either. I'm beginning to wonder if this arrangement is good for any of us.